Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
