My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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