We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
