My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
FUCK WHALES
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
