peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
