Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
