Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
