You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
