i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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