Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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