My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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