sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
