I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
