Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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