i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize