Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize