You made me cry and you don't even care
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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