I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
