She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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