Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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