i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
