He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
