we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
