I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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