I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
