I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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