Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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