I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just cropdusted the office
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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