I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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