I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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