my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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