Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
