Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
