It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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