One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The beer is more important than you right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
