dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
