Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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