Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Text me some of your sweat
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
