My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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