I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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