Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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