my phone needs a breathalizer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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