I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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