She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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