our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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