sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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