I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
