4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
