i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
