when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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