I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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