This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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