is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize