Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
