I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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