so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize