i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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