You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
