Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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