Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
