I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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